My Papa (Part 1)

Im sorry I've been on a brief hiatus. The past weeks have been a whirlwind. I received a call on Friday the 8th while at a baseball game in Arizona that Papa had been admitted to the hospital and that it wasn't looking good. My mom said the words I had been dreading for so long, "Jordan, he's not going to make it...you need to fly home now". I immediately burst into tears. Once Logan finished the game we looked at flights and discovered there was only one at 6:55 that I could even possibly make. He packed my bag (thank goodness he knows me well and included all of the essentials) and I booked my ticket. We left the house 10 minutes later and as we raced to the airport the severity of the situation hit me. As we neared the airport dark gray clouds engulfed the sky. It had been a dreary, rainy day...which are few and far between in Arizona. The clouds parted for a moment and the sunlight shined through. When this happened it created the most beautiful rainbow. Logan looked over at me and said "Babe, you are gonna get to see your Papa...the rainbow is a sign from God." I smiled and prayed that he was right. As we pulled up to the ever familiar Phoenix airport I began to get teary eyed. Logan and I have shared several teary eyed goodbyes at this airport but it wasn't until we pulled up to the Southwest terminal that it hit me that I was going to have to say goodbye to him and go on this flight alone. Saying goodbye to Logan is ALWAYS terrible...but this time was the worst. I wanted him to come with me and he wanted to be able to be there for me but with baseball that was just impossible. As he parked the car near curbside he said to tel:(214)%20363-4561 12:30 I met up with my cousin, Kayce, near the baggage claim. We hugged each other and we both struggled to fight back tears. After gathering our luggage we met up with my Dad and headed straight to the hospital. Once we arrived at Baylor Medical Center we found a waiting room filled with my entire family. We immediately headed into Papa's hospital room so be by his side. I held his hand and told him how much I loved him. I kissed his forehead and prayed for the good Lord to be by his side. We stayed with him for 4 hours and then in the middle of the night, with his vitals stable, we went home to catch a few hours of sleep.

That Saturday was the worst day of my entire life. We woke up around 7:30am when my Aunt called to tell us that Papa's condition had worsened and it was a matter of hours, minutes maybe, until he would pass. My cousins and I threw on clothes and headed to the hospital. Once we were there we sat by his side and held his hands. We watched his chest rise and fall… never knowing when he would take his last breath. Reilly and I held his hands and tearfully read his favorite bible verses… verses that we had heard him quote our whole lives. Psalms 23 was one of Papa's favorites and mine as well. I will never forget sitting by his bed side and reading those words to him as he had read them to me for so many years. Although he was unresponsive, I know he could hear us and feel our love. The pastor from Papa and Granny's church in Garland came to pray with us. As we all held hands and prayed in Papa's room you could truly feel that the Holy Spirit was present. I will forever treasure those last few moments I spent with him… watching him inhale and exhale, inhale and exhale. My Aunt Shawna and Uncle Randy sat at the foot of his bed while me and my mom and my Aunt Marka and cousin Haleigh sat on the sides of his bed holding his hands. At 2:38 I held my sweet Papa's hand as he entered heaven. As we watched his chest rise and fall for the last time we all burst into tears. My mom went into the hallway to tell the others that he had passed and everyone rushed into the room to kiss him goodbye one last time. There was such a mix of emotions… we were all so happy that his pain and suffering was finally over. Papa was cured of cancer. He was an angel and he had gone home to be with his Maker. On the other hand we are all selfish and we all wanted more time with him. I know that God has perfect timing...and in time I know I will grow to accept that it was His time to be called home but for now there is just a huge hole in my heart. My Papa was so much more to me and my family than just a relative. He was the heart of my family. Papa was the strongest man of faith I have ever encountered...in fact I think that's what makes it worse because if he were here he would tell me the perfect words of advice and point me to a scripture to help me make sense of the past few days. It is impossible to know that my Papa won't be there to watch me start my first big girl job this next week, walk down the aisle, or hold his great grandchildren. My only comfort lies in the fact that while he will not be there physically, he will be there spiritually. I know that when our family is together Papa will always be there. He left a lasting legacy of love… and that will never die. I pray he watches over me all the days of my life and that his teachings live on through me and my family so that his legacy never dies. I am sure he is in heaven right now holding all of his loved ones in his arms and celebrating his homecoming. I know he will have a front row seat on all of our lives and when my day comes I know my Papa will be standing in heaven with outstretched arms ready to greet me. I know the next few days and months won't be easy. Holidays will forever be lacking Papas exuberance, joy, and laughter. And no matter how hard I try there will be times when no ones advice but my Papas will do and I will fall to my knees and pray for him to help guide me. My children and their children will know the stories that their Papa told and the lessons he preached. They will know of his incredible faith and his courageous fight against cancer.

I often feel as though life gives me lemons and I am always trying to make lemonade out of them. My Papa taught me how to turn every negative into a positive and how to see God's hand in everything that happens in life. I guess you could say that God gave me an earth angel in Papa and now that angel has been called home. I love you Papa and I am missing you each and every single day!